Orange Soda Can't Buy Me Love - Part 1
by Andy1
Summary: T.K. loves Kari, but can't bring himself to say it because Davis had already confessed his love to her. Can his new conscience, Patamon, help?


Note: Do it with voices and expressions to make it funnier. For you Davis Fans, I still respect that stupid bitch, Davis, even though how much he's making me suffer. So you may switch T.K. with Davis. T.K. can be Davis, and Davis can be T.K. So you can make it a DaKari. Well enough of this sh*t, on with the fic!

Orange Soda Can't Buy Me Love

by

Andy

Ah. The first Saturday of the summer. It was the week before T.K.'s birthday, and the day T.K. and Davis would hang out. As always they would watch TV, play video games, and T.K.'s favorite... a full hour of chugging down as much orange soda as they can. 

Glug, glug, glug. 

"C'mon T.K., that's your 10th two-litter bottle of orange soda. Give it a rest," Davis said. 

"Why?" T.K. asked."This is what we always do." 

"Well, yeah. This may be what we always do at your house every summer," Davis explained," but if you drink too much, you'll get sick." 

"No way," T.K said. "Orange soda is caffeine free. Thus, you can't get sick over it. There is no way I'm gonna get sick over orange soda." 

T.K. finished his 10th, and started on his 11th. 

A few minuetes later... BLEAH! 

"See I told you, you'll get sick," Davis said. 

"WELL HOW WAS... BLEAH... HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS 50 PERCENT... BLEAH... CAFFEINE," T.K. yelled while throwing up all the orange soda he had just drank. 

"Duh, T.K. That's why you should always read more than just the label," Davis shot back. 

After T.K. was done barfing, it was time for Davis to go home. 

"Bye T.k! See ya later," Davis waved. 

"See ya." 

Suddenly T.K. remembered that he had to go to Izzy's house.

"Oh wait, Davis. I'm sleeping over at Izzy's. Want to come?"

"No. Can't. Have to stop over at Tai's house," he replied. 

"For what?" T.k asked. 

"Uh... nothing. Gotta go," Davis muttered before making a run for it. 

_Oh man. Kari's gonna kill me if T.K. finds out our little secret,_ Davis thought to himself. 

"Hmm, wonder what that was all about," T.K. pondered.

Later...

As T.K. was walking to Izzy's house he started dreaming about.... 

Kari. 

__

Oh, Kari my love, come to me. Oh, come to me. Run to me my love, T.k thought dreamily. Suddenly, Kari seemed to appear out of nowhere. The sky was full of Karis. 

"Oh, Kari!" He burst out with joy, and began to run towards the millions of Karis, dodging all the bubbles, blossoms, and the pink clouds. Yes, the whole world was pink, and full of Karis. (I'm so beautiful.) 

_Come to me. Come to- _

****

OW!

Oh my! It wasn't real. It was a dream. While T.k was dreaming about running to Kari, not only did he get to her, he ran straight into a wall. These hippie hallucinations kept coming back to him repeatedly during his journey to Izzy's house. 

Finally, T.k made it. 

Knock knock knock. 

"Oh, hello T.K.," Mrs. Itzumi greeted him at the door. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing. Just ran into walls while dreaming about Kari," T.K. mumbled. He was ashamed. 

"What?" 

"Nothing. Where's Izzy?'' 

"He's in his room," Mrs. Itzumi replied. 

T.K. walked over to the door of Izzy's room, and knocked on the door. 

"Come in!" Izzy yelled through the door. 

T.K. opened the door and came in. "Hey, Izzy...

WWWAAAAZZZZZUUUUPPPP!" T.k greeted him in that old FOX channel 6 way. 

"S'up, T.K." Izzy returned the amicable gesture. "Did you bring the orange soda?" 

"Yup."

"Did you bring the N64 and the Playstation?"

"Yup."

"Did you bring Final Fantasy 1 - 9, Pokemon Stadium, and the rest of your games?"

"Yup."

"Did you bring your sleeping bag and your pillow?"

".......................... SH*T!" T.K. cursed as a huge sweatdrop formed at the top of his head, and the whole world suddenly turned blue, and you could hear a cow mooing.

"That's okay T.K.," Izzy said. "I have an extra bag and pillow. So all you need to worry about is not getting your ass whipped in stadium." 

"Thanks Iz," T.K. breathed in a relaxed voice, as the world turned back to normal,

and the cow was slaughtered and turned into wolf dinner.

"Oh, yeah. I'm not going to lose!" T.K. added. 

A few minutes later...... 

"I LOST!" 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," Izzy laughed in an evil manner exposing fangs that never used to be there. "See I told you, you'll lose!" 

"Okay, that's it! I bet I'll beat you in Starcraft 64," T.k challenged. 

"You're on!" Izzy accepted T.K.'s challenge as the room turned black and fire raged behind them. 

A few **SECONDS** later...... 

"WHAT!? I LOST AGAIN!" T.K. shrieked as the background behind him turned into glass and shattered into a million itty bitty pieces. 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," Izzy laughed, again, in an evil manner with the fangs and stuff. "What's wrong, T.K.? Can't beat me anymore? MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Izzy then saw the expression on T.K.'s face, and ceased harassing T.K. 

_No wonder he's losing to me. Something's bothering him. And he would have already kicked my butt in 4 seconds,_ Izzy thought. 

"Uh, T.k? It looks like something's bothering you," Izzy said. 

"Yeah, how did you know?" T.K. asked. 

"It was written all over your face," Izzy replied. "So what's bothering you, T.K.?"

"Urk!" T.K. gasped, embarrassed, and started playing with his fingers. "Uh, well, have you ever loved someone before?" T.K. asked. 

"Well, yes. I loved Mimi," Izzy said in a low voice. Suddenly, Izzy grimaced, and 

his eyes turned into that of the Japanese cat eyes.

"Oh, I see where this is leading to......... 

Who do you want to have sex with?" Izzy remarked snidely. 

"NO, NOT THAT!" T.K. shrieked. "It's just that I happen to love someone, and I'm afraid she won't love me. So I was thinking if you can give me advice to make her love me, so I can love her back, and she can love me back, and we can be a loving family and sh*t." T.K. ranted faster than the speed of light as his body turned into the traditional Japanese deformed version of himself and started flailing his arms in that Lina Inverse way. 

"Okay, okay. Slow down. First you have to tell me who you love," Izzy said. "You promise not to laugh?" 

"I do." 

"Well, I'm in love with.......... Kari," he confessed.

Silence followed, and a tumbleweed suddenly appeared out of nowhere and rolled past them.....inside Izzy's room for crying out loud.

"....................................... T..... Tai's little sister," Izzy gasped in a shocked voice...

" ..........AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, OH, THAT'S A RIOT!" Izzy laughed hysterically.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT LAUGH!" 

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Hehe. Well, the best way to make Kari love you is to confess your love to her," Izzy explained. 

"Hey, I should of thought of that. Thanks Iz," he said. "Oh, yeah. Did you ever confess your love to Mimi?" T.k asked. 

"WHAT!?" Izzy shrieked. "I'D NEVER DO A THING LIKE THAT. IT'S CRAZY," Izzy calmed himself down before adding, "And plus, when I was about to confess, she was going out with Ma- 

Hey where are you going!" 

"To tell Kari I love her!" T.k yelled as he ran out the door.

A few minutes later, T.K. finally made it to the Kamiya residence. 

Knock knock knock 

"Oh hey, T.K.," Tai greeted him as he answered the door. 

"Where's Kari, Tai?" T.k asked without greeting him. 

"Oh you came at a good time. She's in the shower," Tai joked. 

"OOOOOHHH SEXY," T.K. drooled, with heart-shaped eyes, as he frantically tried to get in the house. 

"Hey wait T.K. I was just joking," Tai said hastily, desperately trying to stop T.K. from getting inside the house. "She's with Davis in the park!" "Thank's Tai. Got to go!" T.K. yelled running to the park where Kari and Davis were. _Oh man If T.k finds out Kari's little secret, she'll kill me_ Tai thought.

"KKKKAAAAAARRRRRIIIIII, WHERE ARE YOU?" T.K. yelled. T.K. then spotted Davis and Kari sitting on a bench.... HUGGING each other. T.K. decided to eavesdrop. "I love you, Kari Kamiya," Davis proposed. When T.K. heard this, he suddenly turned pale, and was sucked into a warp (Y'know, the one with the woman screaming in the background). "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," T.K. screamed as he scurried away from the terrifying scene. 

"Should I tell T.K. our little secret now?" Davis continued. 

"Uh Davis did you just hear a muffled scream?" Kari asked. 

"No. Well c'mon, Kari, should I tell him or not?" Davis asked. 

"Uh no. Not yet. If we tell him our little secret he'll be too shocked." 

__

T.K. couldn't believe what he saw and heard. Davis loved Kari. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe. 

T.K. then remembered Izzy's words: 

_And, plus, before I could tell her, she was already going out with Ma- _

T.K. remembered. "Matt. She was already going out with Matt," T.K. sadly mumbled, ready to cry. "Before I could confess to Kari, she was already **sniff sniff** go..ing ou..t with Da..WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" T.K. couldn't finish, as he started to cry the type of hysterical crying which comes out like waterfalls.

_Poor you, T.K., _a voice said, which sounded a lot like Patamon. T.K. then stopped crying. 

"Who are you?" T.K. stood abruptly at the sound of the voice. He was ready to kill if it was some sick joke. 

"Why do you sound like patamon?" he began to say a little softy. He was getting scared. 

"Are you my conscience?" he said in a half whisper. He thought about child molestation, and the background suddenly turned red, and his forehead developed those Japanese lines of disgust. 

__

Oh, yeah, I'm your conscience. Duh! Gosh, T.K. you're as clueless as you always were. I am Patamon...... and I'm...... your conscience as well, Patamon said. His voice was just a sound in the air. It was like he was talking to him from another dimension.

"Hey, wait a second! How can you be my conscience if you're in the Digital world?" T.k asked in an eery voice. He didn't trust him.

_Well, it's a long story, _Patamon awnsered. 

"Oh goody I love long stories. Go on," T.K. commented in that exhilarated Homer 

Simpson way. 

_Sigh, _Patamon sighed. _Okay,_ _T.K., I'll tell you. Just don't be too shocked. I'll put it in a rap version so everyone can understand._

What an idiot, Patamon thought.

Punishment in da Digi-woowld

by 

Patamon

I was hangin' out with Gatomon,

'til suddenly she started turnin' me on. 

Background voice:Y' know what I'm sayin'

She took off her gloves, 

she took off her fur.

Her sexy cat-like reflexes made me go

PUUUUUURRRRRR.

Background voice: Sexy

So I took off mah coat,

and we started to coo,

till suddenly Gennai 

came outta the blue.

Background voice: uh- oh uh- oh uh-uh-uh-uh-oh

He said what we was doin' was totally wrong.

It was so unacceptable.

We should be Angemons

before we DO IT!

Background voice: Hey, that didn't rhyme, man.

Gennai punished us and made me your conscience,

which sure as hell stunk like poo.

So Gatomon's with Gennai,

and I'm with you.

Background voice: Okay, that's it! This is officially a screwed-up rap. I'm leavin'.

"Wow, so can you do anything for me?" T.K. asked. 

_Well no,_ Patamon said. _Bye T.K._

"Wait, Patamon! I need help!" T.K. yelled. There was no response. 

Outside of T.K.'s room, his mom stood next to the door. She heard everything.

_What a wierdo, my boy has turned out to be_.

T.K. then sadly walked back to Izzy's house. 

Knock, knock, knock 

"Oh, T.K. You're back," Izzy greeted him at the door. "So how did it go with Kari?" 

"SHE LOVES DAVIS INSTEAD OF ME! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH," T.K. yelled, scaring the hell out of Izzy because his whole head was huge, and the background was indicating rush, and Izzy had a sweatdrop on the back of his head. 

"UGGGGGHHHHHHH," T.K. growled gutturally, as he got exhausted from too much crying and screaming, and fainted. 

"T.K.!" Izzy shrieked as he ran up to T.K. "Speak to me!" 

"Duuuuuuhhhhhhh, vill Villiam Shatver, and Varvara Eden ever vin an emmy?" T.K. mumbled with a drop of drool hanging out of his mouth, and a pair of spiral eyes. Izzy then grabbed a two-liter bottle of orange soda that T.K. brought over 

(And I tell you, there are millions of them thanks to him), and stuck the top in T.K.'s mouth. Every single drop poured into T.K.'s mouth, and he woke up. 

"W...what happened?" T.K. asked. 

"You fainted," Izzy awnsered. _Wierdo._

"Okay, then, goodnight," T.K. he replied and another one of those stupid Homer Simpson impressions, as he dropped his head to the floor, and fell asleep right then and there.

__

Good. Everything's going well just as Kari planned, Izzy thought to himself. 

"OH S**T!!! MY MOM'S RUG!!!" Izzy screamed in a panicked voice when he saw that T.K. peed in his pants (Well, duh, that was a lot of soda).

"GET A HOSE!!!" Izzy's mom screamed. She had appeared at the sound of the 

word "rug".

T.K. woke up the next day in a daze. The first thought that came to his head was what happened last night. He still couldn't believe that Kari would choose Davis over him. His head was filled with anger. "I hate you Davis, I hate you Davis," T.k repeated over and over in an insane, and dangerous voice. He looked paranoid. 

2 hours later...... 

"I hate you Davis, I hate you Davis..." 

_Why do you hate Davis, T.K.? _

T.K. stopped his chanting at the sound of Patamon's voice.__

It's you to blame for not telling Kari about your feelings before Davis did, Patamon said, sounding more like his mom when he does something naughty. 

"Hey, Patamon, aren't you supposed to encourage me? After all, you're my conscience," T.K. tried to shoot back. 

_Well, yeah. But I'm on break, _Patamon told him._ Listen T.K., why don't you just tell Kari your true feelings._

"But Davis already told Kari," T.K. replied. 

_I know that! Geez T.K. What I'm trying to say is tell her your true feelings, and she'll probably convert,_ Patamon explained. _Heh, fat chance, _he thought.

"Hey, you know, you're kind of right," T.K. replied. "But before I tell her, I'm gonna need my smoke bomb, just in case I would have to escape if I get too nervous." 

_Which is just as likely as the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air hitting on a vivacious babe_.

"What did you say?"

_Nothing, _he replied._ Fairy_, he thought.

A few minutes later... T.K. spotted Kari standing next to an ally, waiting for someone. 

"Oh, hi, T.K.," Kari greeted him, when she saw him. "What are you doing today? _Okay, T.K., your nervous system is at green alert. Go get her, kid,_ Patamon said

in a charming, and encouraging voice. 

"You know, Kari," T.K. began to say, as he started getting the jitters, "uh... I don't think Davis likes you."

"What?" Kari asked.

_T.K. Nervous system at yellow alert,_ Patamon warned him in a firm voice.

"Yeah, Kari.... uh..... he hates you.... and he's gay, yeah, gay," T.K. stammered, as the jitters began transforming into fear.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kari mumbled, getting nervous herself, as a sweatdrop formed at the back of her head.

_NERVOUS SYSTEM AT CRITICAL, T.K.! _Patamon yelled.

T.K. and Kari then spotted Davis running towards them. 

"Hi, Kari. Hi, T.K.," Davis said cheerily. He lost his cheer when he saw the look on T.K.'s face, which looked really murderous. In fact there was smoke flaring out of his nostrils, and his eyes were getting red with veins. He looked like Chibi when he was trying to screw Lum in an episode of "Urusei Yatsura".

"Hey, T.K.," Davis stuttered, as he began to back off a little,"you...you don't look so hot."

BAM! 

T.K.'s solid blow caused Davis to fly, and slam into a wall. 

"STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRL!!!!" T.K. yelled. 

As Kari watched in horror, she turned around to scold him for what he did. But when she turned she saw evil, fiery, red, bloodshot eyes. She felt a scream coming on.

T.K. then took out the smoke bomb, and yelled, "T.K. VANISH!" 

He threw the bomb to the ground, and smoke burst forth (Ooh, the drama). As Kari started gagging, thoughts of what T.K. had just done were swirling through her head. Why was he doing this? Did Davis tell him their secret? 

When the smoke cleared, she stopped gagging. But as the smoke cleared, she saw.... T.K. in the middle where the smoke had cleared..... coughing, and gagging. Kari's eyes suddenly turned into dots, and a sweatdrop formed at her head again, as the cow was resurrected to provide a single, solitary moo. 

"Cough, cough," T.k gagged. When T.K. recovered, he saw that he was still there.

_NERVOUS SYSTEM DOWN! RUN!_ Patamon shouted.

"AAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" T.K. screamed as he ran away. 

When T.K. was out of sight, Kari walked towards Davis. 

KICK! 

Kari kicked Davis right across the face. 

"DID YOU TELL T.K. OUR PLAN?" Kari yelled. 

"No. I'd never do that," Davis answered, rubbing his face.

_Great T.K., JUST GREAT! You had the perfect chance, and you tell Kari Davis is gay, _Patamon scolded him in a venomous voice. _And to make matters worse, you threw the smoke bomb and, you didn't run away! _

"I'm sorry, Patamon. I started getting all nervous, and I thought I was gonna piss in my pants," T.K. tried to apologize, while explaining his predicament. 

_Sorry isn't good enough T.K.,_ Patamon scolded_. Gennai said in order for me to get back to the Digital World, and my sweet Gatomon, I must make you confess your love to Kari!_ _Ugh, I need a drink. _

"How about some orange soda," T.K. suggested. 

_NO! No more orange soda for me. That's it, I'm leaving. _

Will T.K. ever get Kari? What is Kari and Davis' plan. Why is everyone making T.K. look stupid, wierd, and gay? Find out on the next "Orange Soda Cant Buy Me Love."

Author: Don't you just hate cliffhangers? I bet you do. Well, actually this story was supposed to be only one part. But then I noticed that it was 64kb. So I have to split it into two. If you want to review now, go ahead. 


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